Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Random Daily Haiku:

This is tomorrow.
It's finally here, and you're
just sitting around.

Note to Self:

Glorifying depression is one of the foulest tricks my mind is able to pull.
When you really get down to it, there's nothing sexy or enviable about being completely miserable for seemingly no apparent reason.
I also need to shake the idea that being in a relationship will magically cure these issues I've been dealing with for almost 15 years.
Not sure where that bullshit idea stemmed from.
Truth be told, if this constant hurricane in my head could've been so easily calmed by keeping myself in a relationship with someone, that'd make me even more broken than I'd thought.
Okay, so maybe I'm not "broken".
I still kind of work. Right?

And I gotta stop assuming that people who are in happy relationships can't possibly be depressed.
That's another total fallacy I'm always buying into.
People can be totally satisfied with their relationship, but still have days (or weeks) where they feel like hell is living within them.
Depression isn't pretty.
It isn't something to be ashamed of, but it sure ain't pretty.
It's ignorant of me to not be able to see past other's depression, but it's also ignorant of me to deny someone else's depression.

I used to think I'd have an easier time dating someone else who dealt with the same problems, because then we'd be able to relate to one another in our darker moments.
Then I met this kid who I thought I liked until I really got know him.
Maybe he opened up to me too soon, or maybe I'm just an asshole.
I couldn't handle his issues & it freaked me out.
He didn't shower.
He rarely changed clothes.
And when it comes down to it, I know that was all just a manifestation of his depression & anxiety.

I don't tell people about my issues because I don't want people to start noticing little things I do & automatically start equating them to the fact I have some sort of "chemical imbalance".
Sometimes I just do things.
Sometimes I have good reasons to be upset, & sad, & murderous.

It's okay to be sad sometimes.
It's okay to admit I have depression.
There's nothing wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with me.