It was like I had all these plans to post, I even had drafts saved, but I suddenly couldn't get the nerve to sit down & talk about everything that's been going on...
& A LOT HAS BEEN GOING ON.
First off, I've been working my ass off lately.
I've been bouncing back & fourth between working at a gym/daycare, & babysitting for one of the kids I watch in the daycare.
The way I've been working, you'd think I'd have enough money to buy myself a mansion, but while practicing the art of cutting my paychecks in half (half goes in the savings account), I'm just barely getting by.
No, that wasn't a complaint.
Just a simple truth.
I love my jobs & I feel fortunate that they came into my life, along with all the characters that marched in with them.
There's my incredibly sexy, and conversationally challenged manager: "Ireland".
My, new-found-friend, drop-dead gorgeous, smart, funny, all-the-boys-want-to-fuck-her, 17 year old co-worker: "HER".
My annoyingly perky, dangerously stupid, full-blown-alcoholic, 19 year old co-worker: "Blonde".
The handsome and endearingly strange, 22 year old front desk worker, who I had a huge crush on for months, but who wanted nothing more than to fuck HER so he ignored the shit out of me until he got the hint that she didn't want his dick: "Van".
Anddd the 16 year old trainer/front desk girl who came back into my life after us growing up as neighbors & not seeing each other for ten years, who I also forgave for her constant requests for rides & her accidental night of getting drunk & sleeping with the one guy I told her I liked: "Past".
There's a million other people that I work with, but those seem to be the key players I often find myself stuck around.
To be completely honest, my summer has been amazing & I'm dragging my apprehensive little feet to go back to school.
My schedule is packed this semester.
School 5 days a week, on top of my two jobs.
Doesn't sound like a whole lot, but I'm sure when it get's down to crunch-time, it's not going to be as easy as I'd like it to be.
Anyway, we'll worry about school when it's actually in session.
It's summer...& I wish I had some crazy summer fling story to share.
You know, like, falling in love with a guy from Puerto Rico or some shit, & then he's gotta go back at the end of summer, so I'm all sad & confused & shit.
As long as we're being open & honest here (& we always are), I've been so embarrassingly hung-up over Van all summer, I haven't had much time to swoon over anyone else...that is, except for the guy Past slept with (& I'll be damned if we bring that scumbag up).
Ironically, Past had a crush on a 26 year old gym member...
We'll call him, "Bear".
Even though she's not yet 17 & this dude is 26, & I was trying to do my best as a friend & root for her...until I saw him.
Bear is good-looking to say the very least.
However, he barely has his shit together: No car, No driver's license, Stoner, Works in a Head Shop, Never went to college. One of those guys...
But I swear this motherfucker likes me.
I've only been weakly introduced to him once, but he always says "what's up" to me or asks me how my work out was like we've known each other for years.
One day, Bear was ordering a protein shake & I was sitting next to him at the counter, while Past sat on the other side of me, grinning like a fucking
Front Desk Girl: Do you want chocolate in your shake?
Bear: Yeah, you know how I love that chocolate. *winks at me*
The stupid, & oh-so-white-boy gesture went completely over Past's head, but it never left mine.
Now that Past has a real-life boyfriend a.k.a. the 22 year old gym custodian, who originally told Past she was too young for him, then went on to sleeping with her, & buying her a stereo system for the car that she's not yet licensed to drive, I'm seeing Bear as any man's game.
Would that throw me down to Past's level as far as what she did with the guy I liked?
I don't know, but I don't have any set plans for Bear.
I enjoy seeing him in all his sweaty glory every now & then, but push come to shove, I wonder how Past would actually feel if Bear did want something to do with me?
I mastered the art of jumping the gun years ago, so I'll just have to keep you informed on what goes on, if anything ever does.
Aside from Van, Bear & the frustratingly handsome guy, named after a city who works out at the gym, my summer has been relatively love-less.
& I'm okay with that.
After my high school co-workers individually confidentially telling me all the guys they've had sex with (or can remember having sex with), I'm proud of myself for respecting my body for all these years.
I have no regrets & that's a hell of a lot more liberating than counting the notches on my belt.
It's crazy to think, I haven't posted since March.
All the things in between then & now seem so small.
Even my modest 21st birthday.
Even scoring a 4.0 last semester.
Even still occasionally swatting at passing thoughts of Poetry Boy & DisasterCrush.
It's been a long & odd past few months, & sometimes I feel like I'm back at square one all over again with what the fuck I'm going to do with myself for the rest of my life.
That decision is still in progress & I have a feeling it will be for a while.
That's what's most important.
It's really good to be back.