Friday, March 30, 2012

Why So Sad?


Because I haven't posted in a month & a half?
Because I never gave a reason why?
Because I'm back now?
Either way, I honestly don't have a reason for being gone so long.
A few weeks ago, I started working on some new posts, but I guess I got a little distracted with school & the job hustle, I never got around to finishing them, let alone posting them.

So, here I am.

Nothing too drastic has happened around here, but there's definitely been some slight changes & adjustments in my life lately.
I'm not sure how to go about talking about all of this, so maybe I'll just list things...

Jonny Craig:
One of my posts that I was working on a couple weeks ago was about Jonny, & I, of course, had to keep changing it because I couldn't decide how I felt about anything.
& I still don't know how I feel...
I've been hearing some really shitty rumors about Jonny that I won't repeat here, only because there hasn't been any real validation to them.
Jonny never released the acoustic EP that everyone was so stoked for last summer, his birthday just passed, he hasn't been on Twitter in almost a year, & I have no idea where he is.
Everything this dude does breaks my heart more.
He recently put out a random song he wrote called "Lennon Bus", & though a lot of people say his voice isn't what it used to be, I think it's one of the best pieces of music Jonny's ever recorded.
A lot of emotion. A lot of pain. A lot of regret.
All sung over an acoustic guitar.
I don't know what to make of Jonny's situation, because I can't really figure out what his situation is.
I know he has serious issues.
If he puts out more music, I'll buy or download it, but I'm not going to stay caught up with a 26 year old man who has no respect for himself.
No more fanatic shit.
From now on, all I can be is a fan.
I'll leave the song here for anyone who wants to hear it.
Totally raw & extremely beautiful.

School:
I'll keep this short & sweet.
Only because my school life bores the fuck out of me, & I can only imagine what it does to you.
Basically, I'm screwed next semester.
I have to take 2 sciences & a math, which means I'm going to have to get a math tutor.
Speaking of tutoring, the dude in charge of tutoring who I was having issues with in the beginning of the semester, never contacted me.
I visited him twice, then went to my advisor about it & still nothing.
I've had straight A's in English since I was a kid, I had 3 professor recommendations, & I turned the application in on the second week of school.
I don't know where I went wrong or who's to blame for the outcome or lack thereof, but it sucks.
I could've made money off of doing something I truly love.

Boys:
Well, first & foremost, I believe the DisasterCrush days are over.
I know, I know.
It's been close to a year now since I've actually seen DisasterCrush in the (beautiful, beautiful) flesh, & the pain of wanting him so badly & not being able to have him, has finally subsided.
Now, if he were to randomly come back to our shitty little college, & be the same & look the same & talk the same, would I fall back in lust with him?
Probably.
I'm about a 100% sure that will never happen, & if it does, I'm sure other girls will be just as willing to be in love with him as I was last year.
I've kind of been thrown back to square one, though lately.
No new boys, except a semi-cute Italian boy who reeks of cigarettes & holds doors for me after class.
Oh, & then there's the dude I went to high school with, who's best friend I had a crush on in 10th grade, who smiles & stares at me in the morning.
Both are very nice boys & I appreciate the...non-asshole behavior around me.
Honestly, I still dream about Poetry Boy for some reason.
It's been well over a year since last seeing him, but he still sneaks into my dreams occasionally, & we're always very happy to be together in my dreams.
Weird.
I'll just leave that one there.
No new prospects.
Nothing more to discuss.

My B-day:
The big 2-1 is coming up next month, & though it probably seems like I should have a lot to say about that, I don't.
I don't have any plans so far, & I probably won't do much on the actual day.
Overrated as fuck.
But, we'll talk about that another time.

Music I've Been Blasting:
Immortal Technique (duh), The Sats, Bob Dylan, Adele, The Weeknd, Joell Ortiz, Janis Joplin, Mickey Factz, Joe Budden, 3LW, Mutya Buena, Slaughterhouse, & Amos Lee (duh).

"Blue":
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about a kid who used to be my best friend when we were really, really young.
We're calling him "Blue".
I found a bunch of pictures of Blue & I when we were little, walking around our classroom, holding hand as we always did.
I got bombarded by all these memories of Blue & his family, especially his mother who was the true definition of a "flower-child".
I have no I idea who or where Blue is these days, but I imagine him being as cool as his mother & as smart as his college professor father.
I don't know why I'm telling you this.
I've been listening to all the old blues & folk music I own because it all brings back memories of Blue, & his beautiful house, & going way up in the Catskill Mountains when we were kids.
Not sure why I'm so reminiscent all of the sudden.
Maybe it has to do with my birthday.

So that's that, I think.
Like I said, not too much going on.
Still thinking about a guy I saw on a train leaving Grand Central Station.
He got off in Harlem, & he's been on my mind ever since.
I'll try not to let this much time get between us again, but when nothing's going on, there's really no sense in talking about it.

Next time...
<3

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