Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dear Facebook,

You were never really my friend.
I learned about you while at a funeral...that should've been a sign.
All I wanted to do was pay my respects to my peer who lost his life.
I joined the page made in his memory & that's when the shit started.
Shawn, the sexy high schooler that served as my biggest Jr. High crush, started sending me virtual Long Island Ice Teas & margaritas .
That chick at my school with the really pretty hair accepted my request after denying my Myspace request only a few weeks earlier.
Then Alex, the older girl I'd always wanted to hang out with, fucking cyber-hugged me.

Everything was mad chill at the jump off, then you started to change on me.
You convinced me to start adding people I 'd never even talked to before, telling me it would be fun to just skim through the hundreds of thousands of pictures they had of themselves.
You acted like it was totally normal to stare at photos of people, that it wouldn't completely obliterate my teenage self-esteem (or lack there of).
...You know you were dead-wrong for that.

I've befriended a lot of professional liars, but you Facebook, you are by far the worst.
In less than 4 years, you've gone from the friend that helped me spy on parties full of drunk white-girls, keg stands & bong hits, to the make-shift, paranoid bastard-husband you want to smother in their sleep.
As soon as I check in with you you everyday, all you can ask me is "What's on your mind?".
Clearly you.
I'm fucking looking at you, am I not?
Then when I try to tell you what's on my mind, you demand to know who I'm with.
You know I'm by myself, fool.

I look at this chick's photo, you ask if I like it.
I check out that dude's video, you ask if I like it.
I update my own status & you ask if I like it.
Of course I like my status...you think I don't love myself or something?

Look, what I'm trying to get at is, you played me.
I feel like a fraud when I'm with you & all I want to do is come clean about all the dishonesty I've been portraying:

- No, I still don't chill with half of the very few friends I have on Facebook & that's because we were never friends in the first place. I most likely added you becuase I was either jealous of you at some point or, in the guys case, I probably had a crush on you.

-If I didn't still have jealousy issues or rabid crushes, my Facebook would be long gone.

- Sometimes I'll "like" random posts because I just want the person who posted it to talk to me. Sorry, I really don't care that you're eating a fucking sandwich...

- Yes, the majority of my profile pictures are taken by me, in my living room, with my web cam. That's because, my phone's camera sucks, my digital camera sucks, I don't own a laptop, & I don't have anyone else to take pictures for me.

- Yes, all of my pics are from the should shoulders up. That's because, again, I'm the one taking the pics, I'm not exactly a supermodel & my right boob is bigger than my left.

- It does hurt me when people I actually do know delete me as a friend. It's an unnecessary move that takes very little thought, but I'm not about to cry about it.

- I can totally tell when your status isn't written by you, but stolen off a site like Tumblr or We Heart It. Original.

- There are people on Facebook I'd love to be friends with, but I know my request will be denied, so I don't even try.

- In rare cases, Facebook has enabled me to have some great conversations with people I'd probably be to shy to talk to in person. But, more often then not, Facebook usually makes me hate my life & that's why I contemplate deactivation every single day.

- I don't hate anyone on Facebook, in fact, I truly love quite of few of my friends.

- There are questions you're asked in the "info" section that I just didn't answer. There is a reason for that.

- I'm tired of keeping my Facebook for people who never really cared in the first place.

- None of these are complaints, I'm only speaking from the heart.

- If this post makes me lose friends on Facebook, so be it. Now you finally know...

So, Facebook.
There we have it.
I'm not breaking off this 4 year realtionship, but...we need space.
I'm over the drama that someone's status or overly photoshopped profile pic can create in my life.
All I want to do is live everyday & not have to worry about telling you what's going on. (Forget posting pics of what's going on.)
You've been good to me, you've been awful to me.
I'm not going to stress over you anymore, so you count me out of this circus.
I'll be just fine without you.