Saturday, June 25, 2011
I was up reading some old diary entries last night when I came across a name I'd long since forgotten:
Yes, that's his real name & no I don't feel strange about using it.
It all began during the second semester of 11th grade when Kristian, this football-player-lookin' Latino boy, randomly showed up in my English class, fresh from Florida.
I really don't know what it was about Kristian that first caught my attention.
He was a husky guy with curly black hair, & he always had this pissed-off attitude toward the teacher that cracked everyone up.
One thing I know for sure, though, is that I fell in love with this boy's smile.
To this day, I can't place what made Kristian's smile so incredible, but I found myself talking to him & forming a friendship just to see him smile every day.
At the time, I was best friends with a girl...we'll call her The "Friend".
The "Friend" was my life.
I would text this girl all though class, she would come over to my house after school & then after she went home, we'd talk on the phone or MySpace all night.
At some point, I confided in The "Friend" that I'd developed a crush on Kristian.
It had become more than just his smile.
He proved his writing skills when he read a poem he wrote that stunned the entire class.
Even when this dude was being a dick, you couldn't hate him because he had an intelligent way of doing everything.
The "Friend" thought it was the cutest thing ever that I had a crush on Kristian.
She was one of those girls that had no inhibitions & believed very strongly in going after whoever you want, no matter what you think they may think of you.
The "Friend" was also a whore.
She kept urging me to tell Kristian that I liked him or ask him to hang out with me after school, but, you know me, I figured I could inch my way slowly into his heart just by talking to him & making him smile.
No such luck.
During the 15 minute break we got every day at school, I was headed to my next class when I noticed Kristian & The "Friend" up against a wall with their hands all over each other...in front of my fucking classroom.
I looked at them, they both looked at me, & then I turned on my heel & walked back in the opposite direction.
I was expecting for The "Friend" to maybe chase after me & apologize or at least text me & explain herself but she never did.
After that day, it became a routine for The "Friend" & Kristian to be making out outside of my classroom every day during break.
She would leave him all kinds of cutesy comments on his MySpace, giving him pet names, making him #1 in her "Top 8" & me #2, & mentioning that while she was leaving him a comment, they were also currently talking on the phone.
They apparently slept on the phone together every night...you know, the little trick where neither person hangs up & you listen to each other's breathing/snoring over the phone all night?
Yeah, they did that shit.
The "Friend" would tell me about how they'd hang out after school, smoke weed in the woods behind the school, then go back inside high as fuck & laugh their asses off at everything.
I honestly believed that this bitch was so stupid, she completely forgot about my confession to her & because she was my only friend, I didn't want to lose her by acting betrayed by her selfish actions.
As Junior year started to wind down, Kristian announced that he'd be moving back to Florida in a week or so & wouldn't be there for the last few weeks of 11th grade or any of 12th.
Kristian's last day of school was ironically the day we didn't have English so I figured that the last time I'd seen him would be the last time I'd ever see him again.
Irony struck again when I got called into the main office & when I got to the top of the stairs leading to the office, Kristian was just walking out.
He told me he was leaving & I tried to say "I know" like I didn't give a fuck.
However, when he asked for a hug goodbye, I automatically started crying when he wrapped his arms around me.
I guess I was more mad than anything.
Mad that everything had gone so wrong.
Mad that nothing had gotten fixed.
Mad that he was leaving for good & I would be stuck with The "Friend", who had hurt me so badly, I had a hard time even looking at her.
As soon as Kristian realized I was crying, he was like:
"I know why you're crying."
I told him he didn't know shit about why I was crying & he would never know.
And he responded with:
"No, trust me. I know."
And I could tell the bastard fucking knew.
Then he walked away like they do on Law & Order after they drop one of their corny-ass lines.
So The "Friend" not only remembered how I felt about Kristian but told him about it & they still went on doing everything that they were doing.
It bothered me to think I sat in class with Kristian every day & fuddy-buddied around with him even though he was not only fucking my best friend but fully-aware I had a crush on him.
It bothered me even more that after all I'd done for The "Friend" she'd done this to me in return.
Like I said, though, Kristian was smart.
The "Friend", not so much.
17 year old girls are no joke.
They are amongst the most evil people on Earth & are not to be trusted with anything.
I did see Kristian again a couple years after that day, but we won't say where...
In the wise words of 3OH!3:
Don't Trust A Hoe. Never Trust A Hoe.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Okay, so I just spent about 30 mintutes trying to find a video to add above this post because every fucking video I wanted had its embedding code disabled.
Decided to go with an Oveous Maximus poem...just cause he's always relevant in my life.
I can't get enough of Ove's poetry & I love how funny (& a little strange) he is.
So how's summer been going for me?
I haven't done shit in about 3 weeks.
No shit. Nothing.
I've had some very minor family drama going on, but that's something I'm not sure I need to be getting into on the internet.
It mainly invovles me & another family member & since my mom (a.k.a. the only person in my family I have a strong relationship with) doesn't want to talk about it, I've been struggling with it on my own.
Let me put it this way:
I hate when people don't come through with what they say they're going to do.
& I hate when people decide to finally make an effort after 20 years worth of opportunities has already gone by.
The nice thing about being an adult is, I get to make my own decisions about who comes in & out of my life.
Drama hunts women down like they got their period in a shark tank & I refuse to be another victim of it.
I fucking hate games.
So since my summer 2011 has been so unbelievably eventful, I've had a lot of time to think about what next semester is going to be like.
Ridiculously busy, obviously.
I have classes every single day & I'm considering dropping a class or three already.
My summer days so far have been filled with lethal amounts of Immortal Technique interviews, take-out & conflicted feelings.
I've been falling alseep around 5 a.m. every night (morning?) & waking up at 11 or 12 in the afternoon.
I don't know what my deal is.
I guess that's just the way summer vacay goes.
On the real though, I've been listening to a lot of The Saturdays.
Yup, the bubble-gum, picture-perfect girl group from the U.K.
Literally cannot stop listening to them.
...It's becoming a problem.
I'm slowly slipping out of my 6 year obsession with The Veronicas & I'm thinking maybe my heart is just trying to fill the void that they're leaving, but whatever.
The Saturdays are currently my head bitches & I'm not ashamed to say it.
On the subject of The Veronicas, however, I will hopefully be able to explain all unanswered questions in a post I've been working on for, I don't know, forever.
Every time I try to add to the post, I have to change something I said in the beginning because my feelings toward that band fluctuate so often.
I never had a hard time falling in love with those girls, it's just staying in love with them that has proved itself nearly impossible.
I'll try to crank that post out as soon as possible so everything I'm saying becomes a little more clear.
It's currently 1:20 a.m. & I'm listening to an Immortal Technique video interview with some hooker.
I keep flipping back & forth between that tab & this tab & let's just say, I'd rather be looking at this blindingly-white post box than watch this awkward, uninterested, fidgety woman interview one of the most amazing men on the planet.
I'm just listening his responses & then zoning out to the sound of my typing while she asks him questions.
Every time I flip back to the interview, she's standing closer to him.
This bitch literally has him pushed up against a counter.
I guess that's one way to get answers.
Anyway, I'm rambling.
Time for me to forget to wash my face & hit the sack.
Talk to you soon.