Saturday, March 19, 2011

Just thought


I'd let everyone in on all the hard work I get done at school.
For the record, that's a mixture of poetry, song lyrics, guy's names, hearts & random words.
I have to bring a separate notebook with me to school, just so I can "scribble" in it all through my classes & breaks.
There's nothing super profound about anything I've written in here but, again, this shit keeps me sane.
I stayed up until 4am writing last night & the internet is beginning to bore me currently.
I'm gonna go do some more writing & maybe get a couple journal entries done for English class...

Friday, March 18, 2011


While I could stay up all night watching this video & falling in love with Adam D.'s laugh as I have been for the past 3 hours, I need to get some writing in.
It's officially Spring Break.
My only goal this upcoming week is not to get more sleep or try to stop thinking violently, but to write EVERY FUCKING DAY.
No excuses.
I'm pretty sure that was my New Year resolution in 2010 & I failed miserably, but I have all the fuel I'll ever need now.
My appetite's been fucked up, my sleep is all wacked out. All I can do at this point is pick up a pen & hope something worth saving comes out.
...& it's 11:30 now. I really need to stop taking 4 hour naps in the afternoon.
My mind is unbelievably crowded & I've been in one of those moods where I'm upset & I'm taking it out on everyone but the person who caused me to be upset.
Why?
Because the person who made me so upset plays such a small role in my life, telling them they had any sort of effect on my life would seem nothing but silly.
I've been listening to the acoustic version of 'Wake Up' by Coheed & Cambria like a fucking maniac lately.
If you ever get a chance, check that shit out.
Maybe it's because the song applies pretty well to my current predicament, maybe it's cause Claudio has the prettiest voice on the planet, or maybe it's just the fact it's a beautiful (& extremely sad) song.
For the time being, it's one of those songs that hurts to listen to.
Sounds kind of emo, yes. But everyone has emotions & sometimes your own emotions feel more like demons.
I'm going to stop trying make sense out of nothing.
K, then.
Off to write.
Goodnight. <3

Random Daily Haiku:

Love that is never
reciprocated isn't
really love at all

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tru Fax:


Sometimes I feel like this site knows a lot about my life but very little about me as a person.
Let me re-introduce myself...
Mariah.
Almost 20.
Upstate New York.

I Love:
-Long Nails
-Milkshakes
-Spongebob Squarepants
-Acoustic Guitars
-Dark Hair
-Pens
-New Underwear
-Books
-Lipstick
-Cupcakes
-Mexican Food
-Neon Nail Polish
-Songs About Sex
-Funny Guys
-Notebooks
-Dillinger Escape Plan Interviews
-Purple
-Mascara
...& I could go on all day

I Don't Like:
-Garlic
-Ignorance
-Bad teeth
-Broken Nails
-Bad Writers
-Genocide
...you get the idea

I Always:
-Fall in love every day
-Write every day
-Read every day
-Eat A LOT
-Obsess over nonsense
-Have a broken heart
-Keep my nails painted
-Swear

I Never:
-Use racial slurs
-Have sleepovers
-Feel 100% comfortable unless I'm alone
-Go to Parties
-Have money
-Smoke weed

I'll try to do these more often.
Though I'm not the most facinating person, I think it's necessary.
=)

Journal Entry 3/16: Heroes

I need to stop calling people "my heroes".
Everyone should.
People are people & there are no exceptions.
We're all made of blood & bone & mistakes.
Jess & Lisa Origliasso, Rafael Casal, Butch Walker, Corey Taylor, George Watsky, Dimebag Darrell, Hayley Williams, Trevor Phipps, my brother, Mick Thompson, my mom, Greg Puciato, Jesse Leach...
I've had my fair share of heroes...had being the key word here.
You can't trust anyone to do right by you, no matter the circumstance.
I've heard a person is the sum of the 5 people they're around the most.
That scares the shit out of me.
My mom is beginning to hate me & my closest friend is a selfish bitch.
Maybe that's why I'm always reaching out to these musicians & poets to help me figure life out; because they're the only people who have ever made me feel.
Feel anything.
I'm still not sure why it comes as such a surprise when these so-called "heroes" let me down.
I guess I forget that through all the guitar strings & red lipstick & pretty voices & ink & black eyeliner & drugs & cool attitudes, these people are me.
They're me plus 5 years, plus 10 years, plus 20 years.
They're me when I can't sleep at night because my mind refuses to stop arguing with itself.
They're me when I cry my eyes out over the silliest things.
They're me when I speed in my car even though I have nowhere to be.
They were me when I failed at everything my brother succeeded in.
They are me when I'm locked in my room, comforted only by the scent of ink & paper.
And I will be them when I finally realize I don't need them.
What makes a hero is courage.
Imitating someone else is false bravery.
I need to stop being a martyr of someone else's war.

I've been kind of all over the place lately.

Don't worry, I'm well aware.
I don't want to get in the habit of not writing on this site; I really feel like it keeps me sane.
Sooo...
I'm gonna try to find some things to talk about.
First off, I wanted to post some assigned journal entries from my English class...you know, the one with Professor Dumbass?
At the end of the semester, we have 20 journal assignments on the subjects of our choice due.
Obviously, this is cake to me. I pretty much write journal entries on here every day, anyway.
I guess I didn't really realize how much having a certain subject in mind can make everything so much more difficult.
I decided I should probably start giving it a go today, so I sat in the library & wrote on the subject of heroes.
It's really hard for me to talk about anything without getting slightly off topic.
I have ADD like you read about.
But, I gave it a shot.
Since last Thursday was the last day of Forum, I no longer have school on Thursdays.
Would I go back & do it all over again just to start over with that certain someone?
Oh, fuck yeah.
Maybe it worries me that I'm going to be home all day on Thursdays now, wondering what's going on at school.
Not sure why it concerns me, but school has become my entire life & I'm not complaining about that.
I've always loved school, but not like I love it these days.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I'm a fucking dork.
Anyway, I'm a gonna peace out for a few.
I gotta paint my nails, but I'll have some more shit up within the next few hours.
See you then...