Friday, February 11, 2011

"I Wish I Was Special. You're So Fucking Special":

Yeah, I felt like a total creep yesterday.
As I've said, there's a boy in my class that's almost as amazing as the guy last semester.
Unfortunately, I think this guy may be younger than me & I have a pretty strict rule against younger guys.
Whatever.
I don't know why I'm even saying that. The chances I have with this guy are icebergs in hell.
He is beyond gorgeous.
Like, unreal.
...& his first name is my favorite guy's name EVARRR. I love this name so much, the first time I heard it, I told the guy (a drummer in a band) I was going to name my first son after him.
Hey, American Psycho in the house.
Let's just say it's a common name but still rare enough that some people have never heard it before.
Don't want to jinx anything here.
Back to creepsville:
I couldn't stop staring at this fucking kid yesterday. A 2 hour stare-fest.
Thankfully, he was too busy drawing in his notebook & making out with his pen cap on the other side of the room to even notice my eyes were glued to him.
He spoke yesterday for the first time all semester & his voice is so deep & relaxing &...I feel like such a looney tune.
Facebook is for stalking, real life is soley for admiring.
But he doesn't have a Facebook....I know, I checked.
My Forum class is what's called a "sprint" class, meaning it only goes on for 8 weeks as opposed to the entire semester, that's why it runs so fucking long every Thursday.
Once these 8 weeks are up, so-long gorgeous guy.
I've been kicking myself a lot lately about what happend with me & the last guy...you know, Poetry Boy?
When I was in high school, I couldn't even get close to a guy. I couldn't give them a hint that I liked them, let alone flirt with them.
Last semester, I like to think I somewhat stepped up my game.
I found an amazing guy who seemingly liked me & we made casual conversation without it ever getting awkward.
Now, I know that sounds kind of elementary to some people, but that's just the way I roll.
I'm a shy & very awkward person.
If I ever get the chance to even have a halfway casual conversation with this sexy bastard, I'm going all-in.
No, I'm not going to have sex with him if he says "hello" to me but, fuck, those eyes...
I'm really working on getting my shit together as far as everything goes & that includes my skills with boys.
I just so happen to have one of the most perfect boys in my class to completely embarass myself in front of. NBD.
Anyway, I gotta go to Journalism.
It's like deja-vu waiting around for Thursdays again.
Only this time, the dude has no idea I exist.
Wish me luck...

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Current Nails:


It's a littly messy but, I'm satisfied for the next 3 days.
Chanel- Noir Ceramic
Sinful Colors- Fusion Pink
Color Club- Electric Sunset
Sally Hansen- Blew Me Away
Sinful Colors- Irish Green
China Glaze- Sun Worshipper
Icing- Graptini
China Glaze- Turned Up Turquiose
China Glaze- Celtic Sun

Will I Ever Get My Life Back?:

Hayley Williams is in the new issue of Cosmo.
See what I mean?
This whole 'not-having-a-computer' thing is driving me up a fucking wall.
I don't know when I'll be able to get my computer fixed but now I'm down over $1,000 because of school.
I've been applying everywhere & I guess it kind of pisses me off to know that once I start getting a paycheck again, it's going to have to be spent on paying shit off.
Anyway, about the Acacia Strain show...
It's like one huge vicious cycle.
Everyone who hates me is going to be at that show &, bonus, they're all going together...&, BONUS bonus, one of those people is Vincent from the Acacia Strain's girlfriend. I've never met her, I'm sure she's a sweet girl but, she hangs out with the people who made high school a living hell for me.
Awesome.
Yeah, I've been watching my Acacia Strain dvd like a madwoman & it kills me to think that they're going to be 15 mins from my house & I'm not going because of some bullshit drama.
I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday because it doesn't make much sense that none of these people went to college nor are they doing much of anything with their lives, & they still have a better time than me.
Somehow they all have money, friends, places to go...
I drive my mom's car to a college I can barely afford every fucking day, I can't find another job & I haven't made any friends since graduating from high school in 2009.
I know I've been doing a lot of complaining lately but, sometimes it's defintely necessary.
I guess it clears my head a bit.
Like I said in another post, nothing will change if you don't get up and at least try to change it.
Every time I try to turn something around in my life, something else comes crashing down.
It's beyond frustrating.
I just feel like a total train wreck all the time.
Oh Hey.
Maybe you remember the boy in my poetry class last semester?
Yeah, he moved away BUT,
I dreamed about him a few days ago...& it was the best thing to happen to me all year.
It wasn't a sexual dream. We weren't even dating but, I swear, that kid makes me better.
I read somewhere that when you dream about someone you haven't seen in a while, it means they want to see you.
Please GOD, let that be true.
(btw, I just left my profile for 3 seconds & my default pic disappeared. Hence the new one)
Yeah, I'm in tangent world today. Getting ready to go to my 2 hour Forum class. If I had the option of punching myself in the face as hard as I could, as opposed to going to this class, I'd take it in a motherfucking heartbeat.
But I don't have that option...
So, I'll talk to you later.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Acacia Strain Show:

NOT HAPPENING.



We'll talk about it when I get got some time....& possibly a computer that's not my friend's laptop.

Monday, February 7, 2011

There's a guy in my class...

Who is just begging for me to write a poem about him.
BEGGING.
I might just give him what he wants.

Bad Day 101:

My computer is officially fucked up & this time, I don't have the money to get it fixed. I have no internet whatsoever & I can't plug my iPod into my computer without it getting the virus like last time.
The window in my bedroom is leaking from all the ice that's been hanging around it lately, so I've spent the past 3 days cleaning my room up so the maintenance people can come take a look at it. Still not even close to being clean.
My nail broke while trying to clean my room...enough said.
I skipped Journalism on Friday to take a random day-trip with a girl I'd just met, then went home, saw there was no homework for the class & proceeded to celebrate. Today, I found out that there was, in fact, homework & there was no way for me to make it up.
I feel like shit because I barely slept last night, then had to get up at 8 & work on my room some more.
And...the Steelers lost.
They didn't just lose a game, they lost the fucking Super Bowl.
I'm sure Ben Roethlisberger is somewhere on his knees crying "Why, Lord, Why?" with a bottle of vodka in his hand but, it is I who feels like absolute garbage.
Maybe I should call Big Ben up so we could have a nice pity party together but, I don't know if I would want to hear all of his bullshit excuses for why they didn't win.
It was a close game...but the Packers suck way too much to be beating my boys in any game.
Anyway, I'm currently in the school library skipping Sociology & eating a bag of Andes for breakfast.
Yup, the candy. It's been a long morning.
I'm looking to forward to only having one class tomorrow & NO SCHOOL on Wenesday.
Trying to keep a positive outlook is the best I can do in this situation.
All I want to do is go home, read, write & sleep.
This kid next to me won't stop coughing & it's taking everything in me to not punch him in his disgusting, germ-ridden mouth.
Well, through all my cleaning, I found a Mac tinted lip conditioner & some clothes I didn't even know I owned.
There's a little bit a good news.
For now, though, this Tucker Max book is calling my name.
Thanks for listening...<3

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Dear Billy Rymer,


You are the most adorable drummer/person in the world.
Thank you for existing...

Love,
Me <3