Sunday, December 11, 2011

Xmas, Finals, Hair, Boys &...Glasses?

Yeah, not sweating Xmas this year, as usual.
I don't have the money & I've been cutting into my savings to get shit for my best friend & mom, but my savings account isn't exactly self-healing, if you know what I mean.
I asked my mom for a book & my best friend for a heated blanket, & that'll be just fine for me.
I will never be a Christmas person.

So, it's the last week of school & all my finals are in-class & pretty much over with now (with the exception of my History class).
I got through this semester, even though it was, by far, the hardest one I've ever delt with.
I'm ready to be completely done, have a nice break & have a much better, much, much easier semester next year.

If you haven't noticed, I'm in sort of an upbeat mood...well, upbeat for me, anyway.
I've been really proud of myself, lately & that's an awesome feeling.
Even though I've had my family on my case about all sorts of absolutely ridiculous shit, I've been taking care of the things I feel neccesary.
I didn't fail anything this semester (to my knowledge).
Even though I was on some seriously thin ice with my History class, I went to my professor's office one morning to sit & talk with him about how in the fuck I could possibly pass his class.
In the end, I got a lucky break from him, & all has been pretty awesome since then.

Other than school, I'm looking forward to getting my ass in gear in other ways before next semester.
Stoked about finally dying my hair for the first time in 7 years (holy shit).
Hopefully, it won't look terrible & I won't start next semester looking crazier than I need to.
Oh, by the way, I'm losing my fucking eyesight & I'm gonna have to go get glasses early next year.
I used to fake my eye exams as a kid because I wanted to wear glasses so badly.
When I was in 6th grade, it actually worked & I got a pair of glasses, then lost them about a month later.
I literally haven't seen those glasses since 2002.
Oh, well.
Even my Sign Language teacher noticed I can't see very well, so I guess that's something else to add to the new "changes".

Onto, the boy knew it was coming.
I'm starting to realize, I think the reason I put all of my emotions & bullshit I feel for guys on this site is because no one in my real life actually listens when I talk about guys.
My best friend has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 4 years & sometimes I think she finds it sort of funny in a condescending way that I have no luck with boys whatsoever.
When I talk to her about guys (i.e. Poetry Boy & DisasterCrush), she just laughs at me.
Same thing with my mom.
I tell my mom just about everything, but when it comes to guys, she sorta just tunes me out like I'm speaking nonsense.
That's where you come in.
As I've said before, I write in my actual diary quite a bit & even though I can use the guys' real names in my diary & around my friends, it's just not as satisfying as making myself vulnerable by putting my cryptic bullshit online for the world to see.
It's hard to stay completely silent about something (or someone) you feel passionately about.
I tell you everything about boys, because it makes me feel, I actually told someone who gives a shit.

Who knows?
Maybe the last two semesters were just as trying as this one, but because I had two gorgeous boys to distract the shit out of me, I didn't really notice.
This upcoming semester, I'm gonna keep the postive energy flowing, but I'm not anticipating anything anymore.
It just doesn't work that way.
For now, I'm focusing on resting my mind & becoming a better me.
I'll find my groove one day.

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