Monday, April 18, 2011
Almost 10 o'clock & I'm at school "working on two papers" that are due very, very soon.
It's raining outside.
I'm buried in school work.
Facebook is turning me into a fucking lunatic.
Welcome to being a young adult in New York.
12 days until my birthday...
I went through my room yesterday.
I was supposed to be cleaning it, but instead I went through all my "Most Important Things" drawer in this huge dresser I've had in my room since I was twelve.
This drawer has never held clothes, only things I hold near & dear to me.
Poems, song lyrics, pictures, cards, lot's of Dimebag Darrell-tribute magazines, money (I found $27.50 in that bitch), show memorabilia (even my bloody rag from when I got kicked in the head at a Lamb of God show), anything & everything I've ever loved enough to keep safe was in that drawer.
I went through EVERYTHING meticulously, one-by-one & got rid of a lot of things that represented the silly or just plain nagative aspects of who I used to be.
Everything from old-ass candy to the free condoms I scored at a gay prom I went to in 9th grade (don't ask).
Some shit brought back memories & I couldn't help but smile.
Some shit brought back other memories & I couldn't help but chuck them into the garbage as quickly as possible.
Some shit I couldn't even figure out what it was supposed to be.
I can't elucidate how good it felt & how interesting it was to literally pick apart my past.
I know that turning 20 isn't going to change me overnight, but I think small steps such as throwing away an amazing piece of gum I chewed in 8th grade, are in order.
I have certain oddities about me you'd probably assume I would want to change, but if I want to keep anything constant about myself, it's my weird-ass ways.
I want to continue being the quiet observer.
I want to continue being the chick who ALWAYS has a pen & paper on her.
I want to continue obsessing over bands like my life depends on them.
I want to continue to bitch , moan & talk massive amounts of shit on this site.
& I want to continue to be in love with someone every single day of my life (even if it's the same person & even if they never gave a shit about me in the first place).
My mom is often naming things that I still need to get a move-on & I have my brother in another state calling me & telling me to get a job all the fucking time, but I'm not doing shit until I feel it within myself.
As much as it may bother other people, at the end of the day, the only person who matters is me.
Selfish thought, maybe, but my happiness is not going to be compromised by doing something that someone else says I need to do to make them happy.
I'm a hard-working college student who doesn't party, doesn't have friends & keeps to herself.
If that's not enough, that's too bad.
I've been watching a lot of Immortal Technique interviews latley, if you couldn't tell.
Never have I ever been so in love with a hip-hop artist.
In fact, it's makes me question if I've ever seen an interview with a real hip-hop artist before him.
I guess there's always last summer's Asher Roth interviews I posted every other day, but let's face it: As smart as Asher may be, he's still kind of a goofball & he's still part of a major label that expects him to do backflips for chump-change.
I love how real & down-to-earth Tech stays while being both physically & mentally involved in every single cause he feels passionately about.
People like him inspire me more than anything.
Intelligence is by far the sexiest trait one can posess.
Yeah... still haven't started on either one of those papers.
My teacher can forget me coming to school tomorrow.
It's 11 o'clock; if I actually wanted to be back here at 8am, I'd just sleep in my fucking car & save myself some gas.
So much for my "hard-working college student" rant.
Anyway, I'm gonna peace outta here now, go home, take a shower & sleep like I've never slept before.