Thursday, March 24, 2011

Subject: None



Just a useless ramble for the night...
First off, I'm sick.
I really hope it's just a 24 hour thing, but I woke up this morning with no voice & a scratchy throat. I got my voice back later on but now the scratchy throat is full-on sore & I feel really physically exhausted.

Diary:
Anyway, moving on from that, I was up until 2:30am last night, reading my diary from junior high & early high school.
People who say they never change are full of shit; I can't even remember what it was like to be me back then.
I kept my mouth shut every time I should've spoken up, I fucked up the most un-fuck-up-able situations, I flipped out over nothing & I worshipped the most ridiculous people...okay, maybe I haven't changed that much.
It made want to write a letter to my former self & tell her that not only is everything bad in her life going to pass but worse shit is on the way.
Just to scare her a little bit, maybe I'd be tougher if someone had told me that when I was 13.

DisasterCrush1:
Yeah, I'm tired of seeing his "name" here too.
I gotta say, it's not as bad as it used to be. I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks & even when his name & picture come up on Facebook, I don't feel half as shitty as I did before.
Progress?
...I'm not sure.
I've heard art comes from pain. Whether that's true or not is not for me to decide, but is it weird that I sometimes wish pain would last a little bit longer just until I can make something pretty out of it?
Yeah, that sounds weird.
During the worst points in dealing with DisasterCrush1, I was feeling so much that I was almost creatively paralyzed. I couldn't be bothered to do anything but sit around & wonder why it hurt so much to think about him.
Then I found a happy medium, a place where though it still hurt to think about him, I was able to write &/or talk about the situation (with you, of course).
Now that the all the bad feelings are starting to die down, I think I'm starting to miss that happy medium.
Without the stress & heartbreak DisasterCrush1 unknowingly induced, I almost feel stagnant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm just crazy.

Revolver Mag:
I'm only going to say one thing on this subject because I plan on writing a letter to them in the very near future & posting it on this site.
$7 for a fucking magazine? You have to be shitting me.

Getting Ripped-Off at Dinner Tonight:
I got ripped off at dinner tonight.
If my friend & I "split" the bill on two separate receipts, how the fuck did she pay $6 & I paid $23?
Before you go callin' me stupid, I know exactly how it happened &, no, it was not my fault.
It was my friend's & the server's fault. The only thing I did wrong was not press the issue more.
Beyond annoyed about that.

I think I'm going to hit the sack early tonight. My sleep last night was horrible & even though I'm sick, I'm hoping tonight will be a little bit better.
Until tomorrow...
<3

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