Friday, February 11, 2011

"I Wish I Was Special. You're So Fucking Special":

Yeah, I felt like a total creep yesterday.
As I've said, there's a boy in my class that's almost as amazing as the guy last semester.
Unfortunately, I think this guy may be younger than me & I have a pretty strict rule against younger guys.
Whatever.
I don't know why I'm even saying that. The chances I have with this guy are icebergs in hell.
He is beyond gorgeous.
Like, unreal.
...& his first name is my favorite guy's name EVARRR. I love this name so much, the first time I heard it, I told the guy (a drummer in a band) I was going to name my first son after him.
Hey, American Psycho in the house.
Let's just say it's a common name but still rare enough that some people have never heard it before.
Don't want to jinx anything here.
Back to creepsville:
I couldn't stop staring at this fucking kid yesterday. A 2 hour stare-fest.
Thankfully, he was too busy drawing in his notebook & making out with his pen cap on the other side of the room to even notice my eyes were glued to him.
He spoke yesterday for the first time all semester & his voice is so deep & relaxing &...I feel like such a looney tune.
Facebook is for stalking, real life is soley for admiring.
But he doesn't have a Facebook....I know, I checked.
My Forum class is what's called a "sprint" class, meaning it only goes on for 8 weeks as opposed to the entire semester, that's why it runs so fucking long every Thursday.
Once these 8 weeks are up, so-long gorgeous guy.
I've been kicking myself a lot lately about what happend with me & the last guy...you know, Poetry Boy?
When I was in high school, I couldn't even get close to a guy. I couldn't give them a hint that I liked them, let alone flirt with them.
Last semester, I like to think I somewhat stepped up my game.
I found an amazing guy who seemingly liked me & we made casual conversation without it ever getting awkward.
Now, I know that sounds kind of elementary to some people, but that's just the way I roll.
I'm a shy & very awkward person.
If I ever get the chance to even have a halfway casual conversation with this sexy bastard, I'm going all-in.
No, I'm not going to have sex with him if he says "hello" to me but, fuck, those eyes...
I'm really working on getting my shit together as far as everything goes & that includes my skills with boys.
I just so happen to have one of the most perfect boys in my class to completely embarass myself in front of. NBD.
Anyway, I gotta go to Journalism.
It's like deja-vu waiting around for Thursdays again.
Only this time, the dude has no idea I exist.
Wish me luck...

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