Saturday, February 26, 2011

Getting My Groove Back:

Kind of a silly phrase, yes.
It reminds me of a 50 year old woman getting laid for the first time after a painful divorce.
Yeah, no.
Definately getting my groove back on a much smaller scale.
I've been feeling good all day today.
No incessant, nagging thoughts of DisasterCrush1.
No thoughts whatsoever about DisasterCrush2.
I just did my makeup in the laziest way ever & barely brushed out my hair, but for some reason, I was happy with what I saw for the first time in a few weeks.
I took a lot of time to make myself pretty last Thursday & though it didn't exactly backfire, it didn't really work in my favor either.
Again, I'm not sure what "my favor" actually qualifies as.
Because I didn't tell you about any of the shit that went down with DisasterCrush1, this may seem a bit confusing as to why I'm so fucking flustered by the mere thought of him.
Let's put it this way: I've undoubtedly made this boy out to be my dream-guy...& he still kind of is. He's stunning, funny, intelligent, listens to the best music on earth & exremely friendly.
there is no possible way for me to ever be with him.
Like, ever.
So, things working in "my favor" could mean very few things.
I believe I told myself I could deal with just being friends with him. After all, there are very few self-proclaimed metalheads in this area.
I still don't know if that's possible.
Can you turn an insatiably passionate crush into a weak "what's up?", buddy-buddy friendship?
I don't know.
So, I've decided to give up the ghost.
For now, I'm trying to appreciate the good things about myself.
I'm clearly not meant to be with this guy whom I feel so much for, so I need to move on.
Like I said, DisasterCrush1 is, to me at least, the best looking guy at my school.
I think maybe that's the hardest thing to deal with...but I have to deal with it.
I'm not sure how well this whole "appreciating myself" thing will go & I know on Thursdays that ghost I'm trying so hard to give up, will come to haunt me.
But I have to try.
Try, & pray to God someone better will come along.

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